So much for sleep

I've got no deeds to do
No promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me
Life, I love you
All is groovy
Simon & Garfunkel--59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy)

No miles to go before I sleep, either?

Once again, I totally bolloxed the time frame for one of my summer psych classes.  I was so excited to have a night of nothing to do.  I thought I'd read, maybe watch a little mindless television.  (Cut me some slack.  I watch about ten hours a year, max.)  So anyway, imagine my dismay when I discovered I needed to post a couple of discussion comments, and write a paper on obsessive-compulsive disorder.  Ack!!!

Fortunately, I think I did okay.  Not as good as I would have under normal circumstances.  But when the hell am I ever going to experience normal circumstances?

I cut my best friend in the world loose today.  It hurts.  It was the right thing to do; my conscience is clear on that level.  But I miss him.  Now is the time of day he and I would be chatting, and I'd be saying "ugh, okay, I have to get some sleep now!"  But he is toxic as hell, and incapable of change.  For three years I've listened to his reasons why things are the way they are, and his promises that after this, or this, or this, or this, he is getting his shit together and doing what must be done to fix his life.  Today, the buzzer sounded.  Game over, babe.

Thank god I am not drinking.  (See previous post.)  No way I could stay calm if I had a litre and a half of malbec in me.  But tonight, when it should be at its worst, I am actually okay.  No volatile emotions.  No rage.  No desire to engage him and try once again to understand what the hell he's thinking.  Nope.  I still care, but I no longer care to listen to his excuses. Arrivederce!  A domani!  Not.

In just over a week, my abnormal psych class will come to an end.  I am relieved, I guess.  The pace I am on is intolerable.  Work, school, kids, all while trying to keep an iron grip on my mood.  While not drinking. Yuck.  I am really going to miss the class, though.  The prof is wonderful, and the material fascinating.  I'll be sorry to see it go.

So many endings.  But so much that's in progress, or about to begin.  I can't speak for tomorrow, but here, now, life is pretty good.